Haha! We’ve stolen a lot of things, but never a parson and his clerk!
My master, who’s a master-thief, went into the church just after the clock struck twelve. He had me in hand, and he marched up to the pulpit and began to cry out in a loud, piercing voice:
“Hearken, sinful men! The end of all time has come! Whoever wishes to go to heaven must hop into my sack! I am Saint Peter who opens and shuts the gates of heaven. This is your last opportunity before the world is destroyed. Come quick!”
The parson and clerk were the first to hear the sermon. They came running into the church and thought they had better take this chance to get into heaven the easy way. They climbed into me and then we gave them a bumpy ride to ‘heaven!’
Bang, bang, bang, down the pulpit steps, slip, slop through the puddles (“We’re going through the rain clouds now,” said the thief,) and up the steps of the castle. “Here we are in heaven,” he announced, dumping us in the pigeon-house.
Hearing the pigeons fluttering, the two fools said, “Oh, the angels are flapping their wings.”
Haha! They lay there all night in my dark and sodden hold, thinking they were in heaven!